'Among the Stars' by Richard Flynn

Facing the end, two teenage friends find a moment of tenderness.

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'Among the Stars' by Richard Flynn
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Comments: 1
  • #1

    Chris Mitchell (Tuesday, 12 February 2019 02:54)

    Hi Bruce,

    Really nice little script. Big fan of the characters and their relationship. Their interactions are both touching and realistic, and you imply a lot about the backstory with very little dialogue, so great job!

    The length will be an issue for The Impact here. I’d like to see a longer version of this scene play out, so maybe keep this draft as a full version (or expand into a feature if you want - up to you!) but cut down to two pages for this contest. Bunching/rewording paragraphs will help. I'd also suggest merging the final sequence (Page 3) with the moment of the kiss. It could be a nice bittersweet ending if the boys were interrupted by the impact just as they were about to show their feelings to each other. Missed opportunity and all that. Worth experimenting with anyway.

    Other than that, really well done!