Jean makes sure everything is nice for Gemma, right to the end.
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Michael van Koetsveld (Thursday, 02 May 2019 21:46)
Lovely set up and scene that could be done anywhere really.
The only bit that I had t re-read a few times was the bit below, because it was not obvious how Jean could see what Brenda signed because when she was doing it Jean was not letting Brenda see her
face and (according to the last sentence) was turned away:
Jean stays staring through her binoculars, tears streaming, but
not letting Brenda see her face. Using <SIGN LANGUAGE>, Brenda asks: what are we waiting for? Jean wipes her tears away, looks back at Brenda.
Was it your intention that Jean actually missed the question and that it fell on "deaf ears" at the last moment?
Otherwise, very makeable.
Chris Mitchell (Tuesday, 12 February 2019 12:31)
Love this script, particularly the twist at the end. I guessed there was something more to what was going on, but the reveal was pitch perfect. I would say maybe leave out the impact and finish with
them still waiting, as it’s more interesting for the audience wondering what comes next.
I’m curious about how you see the staging for the lines ‘Any Minute Now’. Is Jean facing away from Gemma as she says them (thereby making it so that Gemma can’t lip read - Jean speaking more to
herself)? You mention that she makes sure that Gemma can’t see her crying, so presumably she’s keeping the truth from her. Interested to know your thoughts.
Carmen Radtke (Saturday, 09 February 2019 15:39)
This is a little gem. I’d come to expect the twist at the end, because it seemed inevitable. Beautifully depicted relationship.
The only things I felt were a bit odd were two suitcases. Because the chairs were already up there, it felt like one or a few hastily packed bags would’ve been enough.
And Jean sitting down after the footstools are inflated before jumping up again felt unnecessary! I’d rather see her bustle about to make sure everything is perfect for Gemma.
I saw Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders while reading this. Who’s your dream cast?
Craig Warren (Saturday, 09 February 2019 11:54)
A great reveal, really makes it stand out. This might be me, but because the names have a similar sound to them -- Jean and Gemma -- I did get confused between the two of them. Also, like with you
other script, I'm not sure if it's entirely necessary to feature the impact at the end, as if when this script ends they could still be waiting.
firstname.lastname@example.org (Friday, 01 February 2019 20:57)
Whoa, Catherine, this is fab! Love the use of sign language here.
catherine williams (Wednesday, 30 January 2019 13:14)
Thanks - naturally I love ALL my babies but in different ways! cx
Bruce Thomas (Sunday, 27 January 2019 16:33)
Hello again. Another great script, I like this the most so far.
You captured the character of the over-controller perfectly. Nice twist, with GEMMA, I was wondering, as i read, why she has no dialogue.
It has a very authentic feel, fantastic job. Really. Loved this one, :D
Of your entries which one of your darlings is your favourite? I'm curious.