Anywhere but Up There by Ben Marshall

A small community hide deep underground. Against the odds they fancy their chances.

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'Anywhere but Up There' by Ben Marshall
002-043 Anywhere but up there by Ben Mar
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Comments: 3
  • #3

    Craig Warren (Saturday, 09 February 2019 11:39)

    Hi Ben,

    Good ending. I agree with the other comments about tightening up the dialogue and that it seems unnecessary to call the one that left 'Big Tony' as that threw me a bit, as did the lack of Poppy's name on her continued dialogue. Otherwise, really good.

  • #2

    Gordon Slack (Thursday, 07 February 2019 16:59)

    Hi Ben
    A great idea. I agree with the previous comments plus I have some more:

    1. I was confused between the large ex-miner TONY and Big Tony. Apologies if I have completely missed a subtle point here.

    2. I feel the desperate circumstances require a more tense script. Also, although the ending gives good humour, the seriousness of the situation needs to come over stronger.

    Just my thoughts and best of luck with this idea.

    Gordon

  • #1

    Ricardo Bravo (Tuesday, 05 February 2019 09:27)

    Great setup and and even better payback. I have two comments.
    1. Tighten up your dialogues. Try to make them sound a bit more in tune with the circumstances. Also, some of the dialogues appear disconnected. For example, when Darren asks how long must they last, Tony's reply has nothing to do with the question.
    2. You state that Poppy is six but her dialogues and attitude are of a much older child (at least 10).
    Hope this is useful.