When the impact of infidelity consumes a couple with its shockwave one finds that being Human has no End.
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Christopher Dane (Monday, 03 June 2019 19:53)
In the hands of someone with a lot of digital effect experience this could be really great... but I do find it very hard to read with all the capitals and underlined words... pretty sure as well that
you do not need to cap HE, HIS, HIM, SHE, HE, HER etc all the time? Just my five cents :-)
Leilani Holmes (Monday, 03 June 2019 21:26)
I like the existential nature of this, and the pain of the relationship is clear, the rest is extremely hard to grasp from the writing though, there's a lot stuffed in, for instance the text alone
contains hard to understand stuff that they audience only has a couple of seconds to take in, so I think you could improve by streamlining a bit and making things a little clearer, for instance is
SHE the same as HER? I didn't really understand the dialogue.
Tiffany (Monday, 03 June 2019 22:12)
The concept gets a bit lost in the discription and dialogue. For instance “mastercating a text” . Also would be easier to distinguish people if they had a name. I’m not sure about the text message
that is sent. It’s hard to follow exactly what they are trying to convey. If she is estranged from her husband, why did she choose to be with him instead of the other guy?
Josephine Samson (Tuesday, 04 June 2019 15:26)
I like the idea of them facing the end together despite their troubled marriage, dancing together to the end of life, yet to eternity. I did find some places difficult to follow, for example, I think
there was a flashback there of the man and woman dancing on their wedding day but it wasn't clearly set. Also it wasn't clear to me whether the text message was from someone or if he was sending the
message, not sure if that matters at the start or not.