'Beautiful Girl Cure' by Neil Elton
A girl with endless optimism encourages her boyfriend to look on the positive side.
I want to option this script... CLICK HERE
- Currently not optioned.
'Beautiful Girl Cure' by Neil Elton
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Christopher Dane (Tuesday, 04 June 2019 12:04)
Apart from the obvious that you need to find some screenwriting software with the industry standard formatting (I use Final Draft but there are many others, also free ones that work just fine) I think it would be useful to have a second look at this, Neil, and think about it in human reaction terms... if someone walks into a room with a loved one sitting shaking VIOLENTLY on the bed, I doubt your first reaction would be "cheer up", so another pass at the dialogue would worth it... I like that she's trying to tell him that nothing matters as long as they're together, but at the moment she comes across as completely ignorant of what is happening even when an earthquake has hit her home, which is quite unusual, so again look at what she wants and have her reactions and words reflect that... just my two cent of course :-)
Natalie Teming-Amoako (Tuesday, 04 June 2019 14:54)
As David starts off in such a state it would be great to see his panic escalate further, we need to see how difficult it is for him to deal with this news through the delivery of his dialogue and actions, especially with Emily being so antagonistic. Does he pace up and down the room? Does he smash something? Or even throw something?
Josephine Samson (Wednesday, 05 June 2019 20:09)
Hi Neil, maybe there’s a reason why Emily is so dismissive of David and oblivious to what’s going on in the world. If there is, then it needs to be clear in her characterisation, maybe by the way she speaks, the kind of words she uses or the things she does etc. that you could share with the audience. Clearly she’s antagonistic but I don’t understand why. Lovely ending, so maybe her reason is there in that final moment, who knows.
Leilani Holmes (Sunday, 09 June 2019 01:36)
You've set up an interesting premise here with a good conflict, between two opposite approaches, belief and denial, choosing doom or choosing life, however the dialogue is a little repetitive and the action minimal, plus it ends quite abruptly. With a bit of development I felt it could be quite strong though, both visually and in terms of how these concepts play out and whether there's a resolution or dissonance that makes the arc more satisfying at the end point.