'Blood, Sweat and Tears' by Stephanie Ginger

A conscientious Volunteer Health Worker in an Ebola treatment centre is faced with a heartbreaking decision.

'Blood, Sweat and Tears' by Stephanie Ginger
002-077 Blood Sweat and Tears.pdf
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Comments: 2
  • #2

    Stephanie (Sunday, 10 March 2019 00:58)

    Thanks Phil for your comments. I take your point with the flashbacks- i’ll Look at making it clearer. And the husband... hmm. I actually did intend Christian to be tetchy because he is jealous of her devotion to the job. And at the end of the day she must choose. But yes, economy is paramount. Thanks for the feedback. Much appreciated.

  • #1

    Phil Town (Sunday, 03 March 2019 05:58)

    Hi, Stephanie

    This has the makings of a strong story. Adaline's devotion and sacrifice are very touching. It's atmospheric, and the final shot is a real heart-grabber.

    A couple of points:
    - I got a little lost with the timeline (and I did go back several times to try to find my way through); could it be made clearer/simpler? (or is it just me?)
    - Her husband sounds a bit tetchy, which I don't think you intended; perhaps his entreaty and her refusal could be done a little more economically (with less dialogue perhaps?).

    Look forward to reading the next draft.