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Christopher Dane (Monday, 03 June 2019 20:22)
This is SO delightful... bitter sweet that this is the end of the world but also the end of Jean's suffering... in the right hands this could have a huge impact on the audience... no pun intended.
Leilani Holmes (Monday, 03 June 2019 21:49)
I choked up a bit on this one, very poignant. I like the pace of it too, there seems to be ample time for it all without it being too rushed, except perhaps for the bit where he scuttles back down
the stairs. I think you probably have room to give Jean more of a reaction in that scene that allows him more time to thud down before speaking about the door being stuck? Just a thought but overall
beautiful and relatable.
Simon Olivier (Monday, 03 June 2019 21:58)
As others above have mentioned, a beautiful and relatable story, that seems to convey so much in so little time, with economy, grace and emotion. Hard to believe it's all told in two pages. Really
lovely, and one of those 'why didn't I think of that?' premises. Excellent work.
David Wike (Monday, 03 June 2019 22:18)
To echo earlier posters, economical and emotional. Cliff may forget but we won't.
Deborah Espect (Tuesday, 04 June 2019 09:16)
I second what everyone else said, very moving story. One small thing - instead of Cliff scuttling out when he thinks there's an air raid going on, would he not try to protect Jean, especially because
of the last thing he says to her? Or had he momentarily forgotten that she was his wife, when he talks about the air raid?
Alice Rosso (Tuesday, 04 June 2019 10:27)
Very bittersweet moment, reminded me a lot of one of the last scenes of the Titanic with the old couple hugging in bed, so moving! Love the pace too. Maybe there could be added a few details about
who they are to make them stand out a bit? Like an inside joke they could make between them? Just for that extra personality trait, but obviously not key!!
Michelle (Tuesday, 04 June 2019 11:54)
Hi Jaye, very emotive piece, I loved the pacing and the dialogue was so natural and believable, I could absolutely see this as a short. Am I right in thinking Cliff is suffering from dementia or
somesuch? I love how Jean makes the excuses for the locked door, since she's probably used to Cliff escaping all the time. Loved it.
Jaye Nolan (Tuesday, 04 June 2019 12:22)
Thanks so much for your feedback everyone - it's really boosted my confidence. Yes, Cliff does have dementia - we had to watch my dad constantly to stop him escaping, sadly.
Harriet Riley (Tuesday, 04 June 2019 17:59)
The last line makes this script. Up until then, it didn't feel like it was saying anything new (interestingly, several of the scripts deal with people lying to someone they love about their impending
doom). But the beautiful moment where an elderly man recovers his youthful dignity by saying 'I'll protect you' made it come to life, and say something new. A really excellent 'twist'.
Chris Aronsten (Wednesday, 05 June 2019 09:44)
I found this script very poignant. The relationship is detailed and believable, and the writing is beautifully economic. The idea of taking refuge in ordinary routines is a lovely one. I wonder, in
the next draft, if Jean could be slightly less of a saint? Living with a partner who has dementia is grueling and soul destroying. Could the end of the world be a bitter-sweet relief from that agony?
Josephine Samson (Wednesday, 05 June 2019 19:47)
I read the logline and said, ‘Ah’. I read the script and it touched me, especially the last line. Very well done. The only thing I would change is probably a smoother transition from being downstairs
and then being up in the bedroom.
Navdip Sandhu (Sunday, 09 June 2019 11:37)
Hi Jaye, wow, I really felt the emotion in this one. Great job at being able to stir that in me in the very few, well thought out words.
I could feel Jean's burden up to the very end, and what a beautiful line to end it from Cliff.