A pregnant woman reflects on her motherhood cut short.
I want to option this script... CLICK HERE
Paul Rapley (Wednesday, 17 April 2019 13:12)
Good script this.
However: have you ever read "The Sea The Sea"? The novel's in three sections: Iris Murdoch has created a straight male narrator, who really carried me along convincingly throughout the first section
and much of the second. By the third, sadly, I was beginning to think (about one of our finest writers) that there's something about men she just doesn't get.
Maybe you should talk to a friendly recent mother or pregnant woman. She might give you an added insight which will really answer the doubts that seem to trouble some of us. I guess that's what
Shakespeare used to do...
Rick (Saturday, 23 March 2019 19:17)
Thanks for the comments. I found Anthony's particularly useful. I've done a slight redraft and sent it in.
Anthony Barclay (Tuesday, 12 February 2019 18:07)
Hi Rick, I enjoyed the simplicity of this piece. I read other comments suggesting you take the mother-to-be through a more complex emotional journey but I'm not sure that it needs that. Sometime less
is more. I agree with the concern from the other comments re the line 'Everything a woman should be', but this is an easy fix should you agree with how controversial that line might appear. Apart
from that I found the piece very touching: so close to meeting that little person she's been carrying and nurturing for the last 8 months only to be denied the chance of ever seeing that little face.
Maybe the baby kicks her while she's addressing the camera and she shifts her attention away from the audience and talks to the baby directly, telling her that she's been so strong and how much she
feels like she knows her already, etc. Just a thought. But nice work.
Tom J Hingley (Friday, 08 February 2019 15:14)
I think this is a simple and powerful story but you have a whole other page to give the woman more of a journey. Is she a refugee or a fund manager, straight or gay, young or older etc. Agree with
what Catherine has said.Very good basis for development. Cheers Tom
Gordon Slack (Saturday, 02 February 2019 15:55)
Hi Rick This is a good idea but I agree with the previous comments. Maybe the long section of dialogue could be split up with her going from scared to being at peace; maybe feeling the baby move is
written as action; also, she looks at the scan picture etc.
Best Wishes with this.
Jenny (Thursday, 31 January 2019 11:26)
You lost me at 'Everything a woman should be'...
catherine williams (Monday, 28 January 2019 10:24)
This is a great idea - a producer's dream, and a gift for the actor too - should be so straight-forward to shoot prod-wise and it's drenched with real, tender and universal emotions. A fantastic
idea. I like that you've left lots of room for the actor to find their own performance within the material. My only suggestion would be that there might be an opportunity to push the emotional
journey more. She seems quite at peace from the off - I wonder if she could get to that point more during her broadcast - so take her through some more emotions on her way to gratitude - despair,
anger etc - and finally get to the point where she accepts her fate and the gift of her child. Maybe instead of telling us about how the baby responds to her, instead, she gets upset and takes a
drink of iced water and it's *then* that the baby wriggles and reminds her of their bond and this is what makes her come to the conclusion that she is grateful for what she has had the opportunity to
experience... Just an idea for wringing more emotional range from the beautiful and simple concept. As it's just one page at mo, you have room to let it breathe more maybe.
Also, what does 'everything a woman should be' mean?? I'd be wary of such ambiguous stage directions! I'm not sure this would conjure up the same image for everyone.
Hope these comments are constructive and inspiring as they are intended to be.
karelia (Friday, 25 January 2019 00:01)
I liked this but I was disappointed not to get something more. You have another page and I am wondering if only one page was uploaded by mistake. It doesn't feel like a complete story. X