'Do Not Go Gentle' by Anthony Barclay LATEST DRAFT

A mother and her daughters end the cycle of pain perpetrated by the abusive husband and father.

'Do Not Go Gentle' by Anthony Barclay
002-050 Do Not Go Gentle by Anthony Barc
Adobe Acrobat Document 38.8 KB

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Comments: 2
  • #2

    catherine williams (Wednesday, 06 February 2019 21:43)

    Hi Catherine, thanks for the great feedback, I will certainly be taking everything you said into consideration. Just to make sense of the opening: it portrays a sense of despair surrounding our main protagonists- the suicide victim having recently taken their own life with their dog barking furiously beneath their hanging body; the shouts and gunshots an indication of the collective descent into hopelessness (the howling man shooting his family before taking his own life, etc). It needs work, for sure, but your comments are valid and I'll explore further possibilities.
    Sigil is a word, haha, it means an inscribed or painted symbol considered to have magical power.
    Good call on the introduction of the characters, and great idea re one of the daughters being pregnant carrying the father's child and the possibility of turning on the mother. The thought of them blaming her for her complicity had crossed my mind and I suspect I would have gone further with that but was constrained by only having the option to write two pages, but this is really just an excuse, I need to apply myself more.
    Thanks once again, you have inspired me to make changes for the better, much appreciated.

  • #1

    catherine williams (Wednesday, 30 January 2019 15:55)

    Love this script - so original and dark!
    A few thoughts in case they help....
    I wasn't sure you needed the first scene - or rather maybe you don't need the hanging body and the gunshot business in para 2... Not sure who they were. And it could be a bit distracting.
    Typically, I think you'd intro the characters by saying "MOTHER/NAME (age XX)" and two daughters with their ages in brackets after their names - or simply leave them as 'First Daughter' and Second Daughter' (plus ages in brackets).
    I have been led to believe that you only put the character name in capitals the first time you mention them but maybe someone else can confirm this - and anyway it makes no difference to the content, so no worries!
    1st para of second scene - is 'sigil' a word?? Not seen it before.
    Is one of the daughter's pregnant (apparently/possibly by him???)? UGH!
    Could a final bloody horrid twist be that the daughters turn on their mother too? She allowed this to happen to them...
    I love how mad and ritualistic and depraved it is - v wild and macabre... Well done!

Past Drafts...

'Do Not Go Gentle' by Anthony Barclay
002-018 Do Not Go Gentle by Anthony Barc
Adobe Acrobat Document 39.4 KB