A disciplined family are peacefully seeing out their time on Earth until an unexpected guest arrives.
I want to option this script... CLICK HERE
Adam Harper (Thursday, 21 March 2019 19:34)
Ben, really appreciate the feedback, thank you! Thank you everyone. I'll be uploading a revised version which should appear on the next upload. Cheers.
Ben Marshall (Monday, 04 March 2019 22:20)
Hi Adam. I really like the premise and tone of this. The dynamics of the family drew me in. The protective instincts authentic. I agree with other comments that you could use the lines to paint more
about the young relationship and why the family are against it. Perhaps something dark. But whatever it is, footnoted by the end of the world. And a last stand of teenage defiance is a unique take
from what I have read. Only proposals but perhaps give the brother a name so we can connect more and not sure about the last scene. Personally, I would use that space to build the climax and end with
June storming out.
Adam Harper (Tuesday, 19 February 2019 20:54)
Thank you both for your feedback. I'll take this on board and try to fit in more of the family dynamics and motivations behind the scene.
Lorenzo Colonna (Tuesday, 19 February 2019 11:43)
Hi Adam. I like how you introduced the family and the "cabbages" line made me laugh. :D In a different situation, I'd say go with that, but you need a lot of lines to show us the characters. I think
it'd be better to condense those lines and tell us more about the relationship between the characters. I'd also think about ending the script with June running away from her family.
Peppy Barlow (Saturday, 16 February 2019 15:54)
Bit odd this. I like the way you've set the family up as a united entity that is broken by the daughter choosing to go off with her boyfriend. Not sure we shouldn't have a hint of why the mother is
so against him. If you spend slightly less time having them round the table at the beginning, think there is room for this. Like granny feeding herself at the end....