Michael van Koetsveld(Wednesday, 15 May 2019 02:03)
Hi Kooi,
Nice temprament to both plotlines.
One quibble, when reading, I was confused by the line "She takes the bag from Chu." since, at that time, you are talking about Chu. I think it is Rosie's bag, as mentioned later. so I really don't
think you need to mention it twice. Save yourself some lines and tighten this up a bit and it will be better for it.
Michael van Koetsveld (Wednesday, 15 May 2019 02:03)
Hi Kooi,
Nice temprament to both plotlines.
One quibble, when reading, I was confused by the line "She takes the bag from Chu." since, at that time, you are talking about Chu. I think it is Rosie's bag, as mentioned later. so I really don't think you need to mention it twice. Save yourself some lines and tighten this up a bit and it will be better for it.