'First Time' by Phil Peel

Danny has only an hour to lose his virginity.

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'First Time' by Phil Peel
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Comments: 3
  • #1

    Andrew Griffin (Wednesday, 26 December 2018 14:17)

    Hi Phil. Quite a colourful script, with a protagonist doing what a lot of virgin teenagers may want to do in the hour before annihilation. Given the page limit, the timeline in the script is necessarily compressed so you have a lot of steps to get through from introducing the character to, ahem, a satisfactory conclusion. Because of this, the story feels rushed, so it may be worth thinking about starting at the opening of the door by Mrs. Pringle? This gives you longer for the action to reach its, er, climax?
    Loved the ending!

  • #2

    Lee Betteridge (Thursday, 07 February 2019 13:36)

    Hi Phil. Loved this. Felt a little 'Benny Hill,' which is a positive in my opinion, or even 'Carry On.' I agree with the comment above - tightening up the beginning may add to more fun throughout.
    Cheers
    Lee

  • #3

    Barry Staff (Monday, 25 March 2019 09:27)

    Seems best to do this in real time: open with Danny and Mrs Pringle having 'completed' and him dressing, with backstory fleshing out what's led to it , and the prospect of moving on to next 'seduction'. This gets over the problem of so much story to advance in two minutes, with so many rapacious stories either side of this one.