In the face of global annihilation, a religious prison officer takes it upon himself to hand out justice to the prisoners he believes will "get away with it.
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Michael van Koetsveld (Wednesday, 15 May 2019 01:53)
Mark, it's better, but I still can't see why he'd switch so drastically.
What if... after killing Don, Andre takes stock of his surroundings, knowing the fate of humanity and decides to do the decent thing and rather than start shooting inmates, keeps faith with his
beliefs and, having killed a man, takes his own life with the shotgun and lets them all escape over his bloody, twitching corpse?
Mark Walker (Wednesday, 15 May 2019 07:18)
Thanks Michael, will have a think about this.
I want to option this script... CLICK HERE
Mark Walker (Saturday, 27 April 2019 09:02)
Thanks all - some great points there that I will definitely take into the rewrite - did have some concerns over Andre's actions - so will have a think about that definitely.
Michael van Koetsveld (Friday, 26 April 2019 23:41)
Intense. I can see that Don would go that way but can see no possible reason that Andre would switch so fundamentally from opposition to participation. Something missing there for me.
Minor editing points...
In this bit, I think that it should be rapists (plural)
Murderers and rapist. Abusers and
killers. They can’t go unpunished.
Plus Emma's note
Lorenzo Colonna (Wednesday, 03 April 2019 16:02)
Hey Mark. Great script, I like both Don and Andre, and I love the ending. :)
A couple of thoughts:
1. I didn't thought Andre was as religious as Don, so I'm not sure he would kill Don especially because he was against killing the inmates. Do you think it'd be possible to hint that at the beginning
when Don grabs the shotgun?
2. Related to the previous thought. Don says "If a man takes the life of any human being, he shall surely be put to death." So why does Andre kill him?
A hell of a first draft!
Emma Pullar (Wednesday, 03 April 2019 15:20)
Really like the imagery and the characters are vivid. I could see both clearly and could even hear their voices.
Motivation wasn't entirely clear because we don't know Karen or what happened. If Don wants the prisoners to suffer before the Impact perhaps he shoots them in the nuts? I could see him telling Andre
he is shooting them there to make them really suffer and Andre being horrified. "Don't shoot them in the nuts, man. No one deserves that!" A slight comedy injection would work well, others may feel
Top of P2 "How is this just?" Did you want 'just' or 'justice'? Was wondering if letters were missed off. Also "ANDRE" is missing over the dialogue: "They don't deserve..."
I like the dark ending but wasn't sure who was speaking or laughing from the darkness. The dialogue comes from Man 2 but I struggled to picture him. Maybe he is the guy shot in the nuts? :)
Overall, I love this kind of insanity from characters. A fun read.