'Judgement Day' by Tamara Ritthaler

There are old scores that need settling and she will take justice into her own hands for it.

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'Judgement Day' by Tamara Ritthaler
002-037 Judgement Day by Tamara Ritthale
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Comments: 3
  • #3

    Craig Warren (Saturday, 09 February 2019 11:33)

    Hi - I was also a little confused as I wasn't entirely sure what I was seeing due to the lack of specificity. How can the streets be on fire? Is it something in the streets that are on fire? What kind of building are we on? In your second scene, are we on a different roof top? Is it a later? If not, why is there a new scene? What does she cut? Her finger? Her leg? An arm? I think this isn't helped by simply calling her Young Woman and her uncle Man -- there's really no need to keep their names secret.

  • #2

    Rae (Thursday, 07 February 2019 15:00)

    Hi - I found myself a little confused by the first Ext Rooftop scene. Is the user of the gun here the same Young Lady? Who are the other people she's targeting and why? I think really that the second part, with her Uncle, is really your piece and you might be better focusing and building on this story of a very personal revenge. Her having a pile of targets kind of takes away from this, unless they're all connected in some way.
    Also - it's a personal thing, but I prefer characters to have names, rather than Young Lady.
    Can see this working though - good luck! x

  • #1

    Eileen Wilson (Wednesday, 06 February 2019 22:23)

    Dear Tamara
    I get the premise and I like where you are going with this, namely the girl can use a ruckus to cover up a revenge killing. In saying that, I think it needs scaled back a lot to help with budget. Having fighting on the streets and shops on fire etc is expensive, can you think of a way to show what you want but on a lesser scale?
    If the girl is outside looking in and it's just a family fighting for example, that would be cheaper to film?
    It could also be done with no words at all if you showed flashbacks and/or family albums, photos. It should also be cut easily into the one/two page limit for 'Impact50'.
    Make sure your scene headings are clear EXT. ROOFTOP, or indeed EXT. ROOFTOP VIEW - DAY
    Think of sticking with present/past tense to save on words too.
    I hope that helps.
    Kind regards,
    Eileen