'Last Supper' by Carmen Radtke LATEST

When the end of the world is announced, a chef decides to throw one last feast for homeless people and their dogs.

'Last Supper' by Carmen Radtke
002-051 Last Supper by Carmen Radtke REV
Adobe Acrobat Document 23.9 KB

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Comments: 13
  • #13

    Carmen Radtke (Wednesday, 22 May 2019 20:22)

    Thanks! I’ve taken all this on board for draft three. You guys are the best.

  • #12

    Michael van Koetsveld (Wednesday, 15 May 2019 11:31)

    Hi Carmen,

    Thanks to Chris for fixing the link to your script which I have now been able to read.

    I love the sentiment in this story.

    I don't think you need the last line... We know why she's doing it.

    Well done.

  • #11

    Shane Anderson (Tuesday, 16 April 2019 16:46)

    Nice script. Perhaps you could give Anna a greater 'journey. She sees/hears the homeless man then rails at him. 'Scrabbling in bins, feeding your mangy dog, is that how you want to die?' He shuffles off, hurt and confused. She has a change of heart. goes after him, invites him and his dog to the restaurant. He doesn't believe her. She urges. He agrees.

    Also....it's a short script so do we really need to know their names? Or how Dan did or didn't end up homeless?

  • #10

    Phil Town (Saturday, 06 April 2019 03:18)

    Hi, Carmen

    This is really lovely. I agree with many of the other comments, especially: cut the last line; if possible, make the restaurant up-market to make Dan and friends' reticence to enter even more significant.

    - This line: "Anna throws open the fridge and freezer doors. They’re fully stocked. She takes a sandwich and a sausage." Sounds like the sandwich and sausage might be frozen (?)
    - There's two-way giving going on here. Instead of the last line, there might be room for Dan giving Anna a hug - 'payment' for the food gesture (?)

    (btw Thanks for your comment on my script 'A Purrfect Ending'. For some reasons I can't post under it, so I'm posting here. Cheers!)

  • #9

    Paul W Franklin (Friday, 22 March 2019 15:22)


    This could be a nice little film.
    My only real comment is to remove the final line, "Nobody should die hungry and alone". It's very 'on the nose' and Anna has told the audience that through her actions, so she doesn't need to voice it (especially to herself!)


  • #8

    Emma Pullar (Monday, 11 March 2019 15:12)

    A heartwarming story. I don't have anything to add.

  • #7

    Carmen Radtke (Monday, 18 February 2019 14:46)

    Thanks, Eileen! I hadn't even thought of making it the symbolic twelve people! as always, this is super helpful for draft 3.

  • #6

    Eileen Wilson (Wednesday, 13 February 2019 17:28)

    Hi Carmen
    A sweet little script with an apt title. There are only a couple of wee things I noticed. If Anna is as meticulous, I think she would 'clean' her knife as opposed to just dropping it. The best chef's do.
    I would have 'a couple 'lean' against an RV' and keep to present tense. The same later when Dan 'stops his rummaging', it could be stops his 'rummage' etc.
    As opposed to 'tears off bits', how about 'tears morsels' for his dog? That expresses bite size pieces?
    There is a space to delete before 'The dogs are welcome'.
    Hope that helps,
    (Oh, if you filmed this and had twelve homeless at a restaurant bar with Anna, it would replicate 'The Last Supper', so could be metaphorical too.)

  • #5

    Sian Rowland (Wednesday, 13 February 2019 17:03)

    I love the subtle tweaks you've made to this. Can't wait for someone to option and make this!

  • #4

    Mark Renshaw (Saturday, 02 February 2019 11:51)

    A lovely script, Carmen and a great sentiment. My only suggestion would be to have this start later and show us everything. Have the homeless in the restaurant with their dogs, eating laughing with the Chef and it ends with her simply saying 'No-one should die hungry and alone.' Maybe have a picture of her family nearby to imply she's doing this partly for herself as well as she doesn't want to die alone but doesn't have the time to get to them. Fantastic work as is, I just wanted to suggest something that I hope sparks some ideas.


  • #3

    elinor.perrysmith@gmail.com (Thursday, 31 January 2019 16:46)

    Hi Carmen,
    I really like the script, especially as homeless people get a lot of stick for even having dogs. My only suggestion is this: cut the last line. Instead, have a knock at the door, the sound of it opening, dogs barking and the last shot of Anna's smiling face.

    El. xx

  • #2

    catherine williams (Monday, 28 January 2019 14:52)

    Hi Carmen
    What a lovely and heart-warming script!
    I had a few questions for you to consider if you feel it's necessary, though the piece works really well as written so do feel free to ignore.
    It might be helpful to describe what sort of restaurant you have in mind, or doesn't it matter? Posh high-end/a burger or sandwich bar... Makes a difference. A posh place makes her gesture seem bigger, but a small little caff explains why she's there alone.... Choices, choices!
    What has Anna been doing in the 5 minutes since the broadcast? Why not have it more in the moment? She has literally just heard the news. She turns off the telly/radio and stops chopping veg as a result.
    Scene 2 - I wonder if when Anna brings Dan the food she can ask 'have you heard?' or something. He looks confused - he hasn't. And as far as she is concerned, there is no need to tell him. I know this is implied in your script as is (you point out that he is oblivious), but I'm just asking whether it is a beat to make slightly more of? Anna chooses not to tell him. Does he even ask 'why now?', 'what's the special occasion?' - she makes a choice not to answer truthfully - she might offer up more ambiguously something like 'Oh, just felt like it' or not answer or whatever. Or maybe not...??!
    When she says 'I should have done this before?' is the implication that they've seen each other before? Has she always told him to skedaddle before now? Has she never asked his name before, despite having seen him often? Again, another tiny moment to possibly make slightly more of...?
    Does Dan have a dog too?
    I think you just need a bit more clarification in the stage directions in the final scene - she is setting up food for the dogs on the floor AND nice nosh for the homeless people too on the tables, yes? It's not quite clear as written.
    And an annoying question... why is Anna not rushing off to be with her nearest and dearest? Does she chose instead to spend her last moments being kind to the homeless people? Is there a deft way to illustrate this choice maybe, for eg. there's a call on her phone - it's MUM but she thinks hard and doesn't answer? Or is that too stark??? It really didn't bother me on a first read and just occurred to me as I thought more about it - maybe better to just not go there. Is that what you've concluded?
    Basically - a fab script - simple and powerful - well done!

  • #1

    Janet van Eeden (Monday, 28 January 2019 13:42)

    I love this script!! The only thing I'm missing is the last scene which could take the place of the last line of dialogue. I want to see the Hobos AND their dogs (obvs!) coming in to the restaurant. Even if there are only three guys and two dogs for the sake of production costs, that's the money shot I think. Then you could give your chef a line like "I'll make this best meal of your lives..." or "This is the best last supper I could've hoped for..." or something along those lines. I think I have a dog for you if you need one for the final scene. ;)

Past Drafts...

'Last Supper' by Carmen Radtke
002-032 Last Supper by Carmen Radtke.pdf
Adobe Acrobat Document 23.6 KB