'Last Ones Standing' by Sharn Gill

A couple hope the underground caves will save them from their deaths.

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'Last Ones Standing' by Sharn Gill
A couple hope the underground caves will save them from their deaths.
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Comments: 1
  • #1

    Mark Walker (Monday, 22 April 2019 09:18)

    Hey Sharn - nice one! I only have a couple of comments, perhaps to play up the desperation of the couple and hint more at what they might have had to do to get here - why should we care about this couple in particular - although I appreciate that is very difficult in the space you have - you may be able to do this if you take out some of the poetry to give you more space - but I know that is not going to be an easy choice for you (I liked the poetry voice-over so it is not an easy decision....and the poetry does make it stand out from other entries)

    Secondly, the very first scene - perhaps the SLUG should just say they are at the Chislehurst Cave entrance....when you started with STREETS OF KENT, I was a bit confused by the sudden appearance of caves! :-) Minor thing really, but I had to read it a couple of times to be sure, so took me out of it a little at first.

    Ooh, one other thing - at the bottom of page 1 when the husband kisses the wife, perhaps that should come after they hear the baby cry to reinforce the reason for coming and their relief at being here?

    Good luck!