A nurse struggles to tell her elderly residents the end of the world is nigh... but discovers there are things she can learn from them.
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Jaye Nolan (Tuesday, 04 June 2019 11:29)
I love this idea! (The logline is the wrong one though!) But a bunch of stoic, lonely people coming together at the end, at the behest of long lost loved ones is very sweet and uplifting. I would
just edit slightly at the beginning - instead of hearing 'something', have her hear the cat.
Deborah Espect (Tuesday, 04 June 2019 11:41)
Lovely! I wonder if Eve, as she seems to be quite a caring person, would know who David is, as I imagine Mary would have mentioned him before and Eve would have remembered?
Christopher Dane (Tuesday, 04 June 2019 12:28)
What a great concept... at the end of the world we are visited by our loved ones... sad that Eve's loved one is a cat and not a parent or lover but I'll let that go because it sets up the store so
well... hope someone films that party!
Harriet Riley (Tuesday, 04 June 2019 18:06)
Great idea behind this, the friendly ghosts 'seeing people over'. You've managed to create lots of lovely little heartfelt stories in one place, and the meowing cat is a perfect opener. The only
thing to consider changing is the last line. I don't think they do all know what's happening (even though the audience does) so maybe Alice should simply say something like "A toast, to absent
Alice Rosso (Tuesday, 04 June 2019 18:19)
Lovely little image about meeting those who we lost at the end. Love the pay off of the cat! Was wondering if there's space for more description of the characters to give them some more nuances! But
Chris Aronsten (Wednesday, 05 June 2019 09:02)
I really love the idea of these visitations from the past. They way you've set it all up is very subtle and realistic. Not sentimental, either. I feel Eve needs longer to digest the terrible news.
Maybe hearing Mary approach is the trigger for her to turn the TV off, so as not to upset her? For me, it would be better to end with Eve realising it was her much-loved cat who visited earlier,
rather than the residents revealing they knew all along what was happening. I love the idea that they are right, and Eve is wrong.
Dylanne (Wednesday, 05 June 2019 13:47)
Beautiful. I had goosebumps at the thought of Eve processing the impact yet still having to care for all her clients and the sense that their disconnection from the world was in this particular
moment a good thing as they could simply enjoy the impromptu party! Your world is really well set up and I love its gentleness. However my feedback would be to re-visit the end. I'm not sure about
Alice's line, 'we all know what's happening'. Why? How? Could the twist be that someone comes to 'see Eve over' and she realises the clients are completely lucid at this point?
David H Navarro (Saturday, 08 June 2019 19:09)
Such a heartfelt story! I thought everything was very well executed! I wanted to read more. Congratulations!
Leilani Holmes (Sunday, 09 June 2019 02:59)
I like the premise of this and the wisdom in it of older people who having contemplated the ends of their life are perhaps less perturbed by it, especially reassured by visitations of loved ones.
It's very tender. I really like that one of the loved ones is a cat, too! I felt that the ending sort of petered out and felt a little too easy though, and I wonder if you streamlined the beginning
and gave yourself more room later that perhaps the end could be reworked for more depth in Eve's realisation and resolution of everything she's just had to take in.
Shuk Gant (Sunday, 09 June 2019 22:42)
I loved this script. It's original and moving, well done! There is something in the ending that for me has potential for more clarification and exploration.... I see that you have had this feedback
already. Perhaps a picture showing the cat or eve in a frame that says 'always remembered' or some such... perhaps Eve is actually dead and there to take her cat to the other side (!?) Haha. I'm
going blind with reading scripts right now. Good job.