'No Doubt?' by Kenny Allan

A struggle between duty and doubt.

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'No Doubt?' by Kenny Allan
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Comments: 2
  • #2

    Kenny A (Thursday, 07 February 2019 14:04)

    Hi Gordon, thanks for taking the time to read my story. It's my first script so I appreciate the constructive comments.
    I see what you mean regards the bedroom scene, the mirror could be used to get the same feel.
    The angry man was supposed to be a church elder (bishop etc.) and the two phone calls are supposed to highlight the real world pressures of duty (the elder) and doubt (Gavin's pain at wanting to be with his mum).
    Thanks again Gordon.

  • #1

    Gordon Slack (Thursday, 07 February 2019 10:47)

    Hi Kenny

    I like the profound ending to this - a great idea. Indeed, I wish you could continue this and explain the truth to us all! Some comments:

    1. I wonder whether you need the first scene in the bedroom - I feel it can be assumed that Gavin knows about the impact. The next scene in the bathroom strikes me as a good introduction.
    2. Do you need mobile calls from two people - maybe just one. I wasn't quite sure who the angry man was.
    3. Maybe the prostrate character could grab Gavin and say "what is going to happen to us". This maybe gives another strong lead into him putting on his priest clothes.

    Just my thoughts. Best Wishes with this story.

    Gordon