A man suffering with an extreme case of OCD must decide whether to stay behind to finish his work or flee.
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Paul Rapley (Wednesday, 17 April 2019 00:40)
Rings so possible.
I'd keep Tom, because he adds motivation to Sarah's drive to leave. You might rework him a little to make him a little less of a stock character.
On that note, does it HAVE to be "Tom" and "Sarah"? (Sorry, Toms and Sarahs - Paul)
Good potential for inclusion, nonetheless.
Tasbir (Monday, 08 April 2019 16:15)
Like the idea and the characters are believable, I like the ending in particular.
Mark Walker (Saturday, 23 March 2019 08:36)
What a great idea - love it, nice one Ricardo!
Rick Limentani (Thursday, 17 January 2019 08:53)
Like this script a lot, it's sweet and relatable.
If I may make a suggestion, I don't think you need the Tom character. The anxiety to leave will be in her anyway. This might give you a tiny bit more space to develop their relationship.
Ben Marshall (Thursday, 10 January 2019 22:17)
Hi Ricardo, I like the simple yet compelling premise here. His desire to leave but held there by his OCD and Sarah's compassion to help him. Nicely played at the end with her surprise return. My
comment wuold be to use the dialogue to explain a little more about the relationships between the three of them. Are they just colleagues, or freinds or more. Are they all on the same level or is one
the boss etc. Once we get the idea that he is staying to finish (which you describe clearly) I think some of the general dialogue about there not being time, we should go, no I gotta stay etc is
redundant and the dialogue could be used to say more without straying from the story. Good luck with it. Ben
Carmen Radtke (Thursday, 10 January 2019 14:51)
It hit the right emotions for me, with a satisfying ending.
Ricardo Bravo (Sunday, 06 January 2019 00:23)
Stationery, of course! Thank you David and Graeme for your kind comments. I'll correct and hope for the best.
Graeme Wilcockson (Friday, 04 January 2019 10:02)
I like this too. Simple and effective. There's something about putting affairs in order before the end. It shouldn't matter - but deep down it does, because its the only thing left to do.
David Aldred (Thursday, 03 January 2019 18:47)
I really like this script, and although I might have other comments to make, I'm afraid my own slightly OCD-like attention got caught on one word. You might say they became stationary. Yes, it's that
word. I suspect you wanted it to mean files and envelopes and such – but stationAry means static; it's stationEry that means office supplies.
Sorry � Great little script though!