'Once' by Richard Osborne

When the world is ending, what would you do to get what you want?

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Comments: 6
  • #6

    Mark Walker (Sunday, 17 March 2019 17:39)

    Hi Richard - I think this has had the same effect on me as with the other comments - it is quite dark and ends abruptly. It feels that the conversation with her husband is foreshadowing his return, but we don't get that so it feels that those lines are wasted? Perhaps get into that earlier and then show the reaction when he gets home - we don't necessarily need to see the act, but perhaps the aftermath to find out how Anne reacts....James doesn't have to succeed...he has gone the lawless route with the impending disaster, but that doesn't mean Anne cant retaliate in kind? Interesting concept, but I think it needs more for me personally.

  • #5

    Richard (Thursday, 21 February 2019 15:12)

    Hi Lee

    Thanks for your feedback. I’m sorry I didn’t respond sooner. There were some technical issues which meant that my comments weren’t publishing - which is why there are now two replies to Elinor :).

    It’s great to get contrasting comments on the script, which will help me decide on where I think it should go. I have been trying to visualise how the scripts I have written would sit with 49 others and concluded that that will not be my decision. I understood that the film would sit on some sort of timeline and not include 50 films which all ended with the blast, but I my be mistaken in that. As a consequence, with my scripts I tried to give the editors the ability to fit them in with others as appropriate or finish with the blast.

    Presumably you mean ‘not much description’. It was my intention that the script would leave space for interpretation by someone if they wanted to make it. But I’ll have a think about your suggestion here, as perhaps it is not giving readers enough information and too much dialogue.

    It had occurred to me that Rob could hear everything, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go that dark, so left that open to see what feedback I got, so it’s interesting you picked up on it.

    There’s a lot to think about in your feedback, so thanks very much.

    Richard

  • #4

    Richard (Friday, 15 February 2019 15:08)

    Hi Elinor

    Thank you for your feedback. The first version of the script has Anne escaping. I was in two minds about where the story should go and felt much more comfortable with James failing. It is an ugly act and therefore I was concerned about how to handle it myself, especially not wanting to justify or validate it.

    When deciding which version to submit, I consulted with the notes about what was being looked for. I also found that the version I ended up submitting was much more difficult and challenging for me. As a consequence, I decided to go with the difficult version and see what feedback it received.

    Thanks for commenting on the script.

    Richard

  • #3

    Richard Osborne (Monday, 11 February 2019 22:25)

    Thank you for your feedback. The first version of the script has Anne escaping. I was in two minds about where the story should go and felt much more comfortable with James failing. It is an ugly act and therefore I was concerned about how to handle it myself, especially not wanting to justify or validate it.

    When deciding which version to submit, I consulted with the notes about what was being looked for. I also found that the version I ended up submitting was much more difficult and challenging for me. As a consequence, I decided to go with the difficult version and see what feedback it received.

    Thanks for commenting on the script and I'll think about your suggestion.

    Richard

  • #2

    Lee Crompton (Thursday, 07 February 2019 14:08)

    Hi Richard. In contrast to Elinor I felt I knew exactly where this was leading albeit not the eventual outcome. It’s a brutal story with an equally brutal ending and whilst I’m sure there would be an increase in lawlessness in the final hours of mankind, I’m not sure how this film would sit amongst 49 others.

    From a script perspective, I think there appears to be a lot of dialogue but much description. James for example, personally I’d like to know a bit more about him and his demeanour.

    In terms of story, I agree with Elinor. It all seems to end very quickly. You could maybe foreshadow with an item Anne eventually used to fend James off or of your intention is to shock then maybe Anne doesn’t disconnect the phone and the husband can hear everything at the other end and unable to help. Maybe the family wronged James in the past. Personally I think this is too shocking but I’d somehow like to see more story. Hope this helps in some way and good luck with it

  • #1

    elinor.perrysmith@gmail.com (Monday, 04 February 2019 20:58)

    Hi Richard, I wasn't quite sure where you were going with this and I was surprised that it ended how it did. I assume this is a first draft. While there's nothing wrong with rape stories as such, I think it's important how they're handled. A way forward might be to start the story later, so that Anne talks James out of such an ugly act.