Depression pushes people to the very edge, but with the right support, every cloud has a silver lining, even the end of the world.
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Emma Pullar (Tuesday, 14 May 2019 21:51)
Love, love, love this new version. Very well done in taking the feedback and turning your script from good to great. I smiled at the end. I have to say, this is one of my favourite Impact50
I hope someone makes it!
Michael van Koetsveld (Tuesday, 14 May 2019 23:28)
Thank you Emma, it's easy to make great changes with fantastic, spot-on notes.
Ben Marshall (Monday, 20 May 2019 22:02)
Hi Michael. A very well observed powerful script. Very visual and should be pretty attractive to shoot too. I have two comments. First, you describe a lot of content for those letters to cover,
expecting the audience to read re redundancy and solicitor's letters etc. I think the final demand letters and perhaps another will be enough without relying on having to read the content. I really
think there should be a cut after he learns the news. It seems to quick to sink in. Great stuff and best of luck with it. Ben
Michael van Koetsveld (Friday, 10 May 2019 10:59)
Some great feedback, which I have incorporated into version 2 and submitted, so we'll just have to wait till it hits this page and see what you think, if you don't mind having another read then.
Emma Pullar (Wednesday, 01 May 2019 16:54)
The opening is great. Here is someone we can all relate to.
A few decriptions could be tighter. "Fabian is so startled by the intrusion and jumps up..."
Fabian is startled, he jumps up...
At the end he accepts her word that the world is ending. I don't think anyone would accept that without evidence. Have her show him a news report on her phone.
Great ending. Love that he is happy. It's a good contrast to the other scripts.
Michael van Koetsveld (Wednesday, 01 May 2019 09:52)
Thanks Mark, insightful as ever!
Mark Walker (Wednesday, 01 May 2019 07:15)
Hey Michael - still love this idea - just one though - at the end, I wonder if you can briefly show a slow change in Tricia - I am not sure after hearing the news of the end of the world and walking
in on her suicidal husband that she might be that keen to dance? If at first she is swung around by Fabian, confused, and then slowly realises why he is laughing and getting "the joke" before
throwing herself into it - very minor point, but just a thought. Good stuff!
Michael van Koetsveld (Tuesday, 30 April 2019 21:59)
I have thought of a possible title change, but will leave it as is for now.