'Sticks And Stones' by Kim Shaw REVISED DRAFT

A man who has spent years preparing for the end of the world finally gets what he always wanted.

'Sticks And Stones' by Kim Shaw REVISED DRAFT
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Comments: 2
  • #1

    Josephine Samson (Thursday, 30 May 2019)

    I enjoyed reading that. I think ending it at the point just before the flashback is enough. The flashback scene and the one after it weaken the story. I guessed what had happened (as in he had poisoned the food somehow) by that point so I didn't need the extra information at the end. I think leaving it just before the flashback allows the audience to fill in the gaps with their own imagination and/or interpretation. Keep an eye on your scene headings and scene description to ensure consistency because the scene before the flashback says 'EXT. STREET. DAY' but then the action describes what happens indoors.

  • #2

    Kim Shaw (Friday, 31 May 2019 02:25)

    Hey Josephine. Thank you for your comments. I can't believe we missed that scene heading...I will correct it. We wanted to show how he killed her so the reader knows or at least assumes it's an opportunist killing and not preplanned. He didn't have the guts until he knew he was going to die anyway. But we are considering ending it right after the flashback. Thoughts?