'Swings and Roundabouts' by Michelle Hood LATEST DRAFT

A young boy finds compassion in a hard landscape.

'Swings and Roundabouts' by Michelle Hood
002-101 Swings and Roundabouts by Michel
Adobe Acrobat Document 25.8 KB

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Comments: 6
  • #6

    Michelle (Tuesday, 11 June 2019 14:31)

    Thanks everyone for your comments, really great stuff.

  • #5

    Christopher Dane (Saturday, 01 June 2019 10:22)

    Great take on the brief. I love the fact that the parents have drunk themselves into oblivion and probably don't even know what's about to happen. I wonder if you would consider seeing everything from the boy's perspective and let him see the girl and the person running from his flat? It just feels like we're asked to invest in the girl in the beginning with no payoff as it's the boy's story. I also wonder if we should see the girl's parents frantically packing the car? Just feels odd that they would let her play there alone when they clearly know what's going on. I can really see how a film maker can do this justice in all its simplicity and silence.

  • #4

    Michael van Koetsveld (Tuesday, 30 April 2019 21:57)

    Hi Michelle,

    I like the story and the scenery, but can't imagine that it would be very easy to get all your kittens in a row for this, with child actors too, and cars and wind. It's all very specific and costly.

    To make it more producible in the timescales that are available, could you possibly change the live kittens for something else like a toy kitten, perhaps one that a sibling would normally play with and he always envied but thought it wasn't "boyish" enough. I'm just spitballing, but there must be ways you can take the essence of this story - which is really lovely - and make it possible to film on a budget.

    I really hope you get it made. Good luck.

  • #3

    Stephanie Ginger (Saturday, 06 April 2019 17:28)

    Hi Michelle,
    I enjoyed this tale of this boy effectively abandoned by his useless parents, finding comfort in the apocalypse, as it were. Very visual, stark but moving, rather Andrea Arnold. I can see it playing out well.
    As Ben said, you might benefit from trimming down the action description as there's a lot going on that the reader needs to take in and if done (edited) well, it wouldn't take away from the tone and imagery of the piece.

    For example:
    The girl slows herself, scraping her soles across the gravel until she and the swing are still. She stares up at the tiered flats facing her on all but one side.

    Could be: The swing slows. The girl's soles scrape across the gravel. The swing stops. She stares up at the apartment blocks looming on three sides.

    I like this script and hope someone gets on and makes it.

    BTW, thanks so much for your kind words on my work in your blog. Much appreciated. :)

  • #2

    Ben marshall (Saturday, 23 March 2019 08:20)

    Hi Michelle. I really like this. Very cinematic with an understated yet powerful conclusion. Apocalypse through innocent eyes works very well. Only comments are if possible perhaps try and thin out some of early description which looks a little dense eg "and there's a baby crying" could be "a baby cries". "Dogs bark at one another through walls" could be "dogs bark". Also as this is a global project not sure everyone will know what a REC is. I do, short for recreation ground but will every reader? Not sure. Great stuff though.

  • #1

    Lee Betteridge (Tuesday, 19 March 2019 13:48)

    Hi Michelle
    I really enjoyed this one - had a post-apocalyptic feel to it, the little boy almost like a lone survivor, left to his own devices.
    The minimal dialogue is used very well too.
    Well done!

Past Drafts...

'Swings and Roundabouts' by Michelle Hood
002-095 Swings and Roundabouts by Michel
Adobe Acrobat Document 25.8 KB