'Too Late' by Ashley McMorrow

A fear fuelled decision leads to an action she can't undo, when one desperate woman is pushed to the edge.

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'Too Late' by Ashley McMorrow
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Comments: 1
  • #1

    Stephanie Ginger (Thursday, 21 February 2019 10:03)

    Hi Ashley, Well done. Great log-line and premise ant the script has the makings of a visual and harrowing film, if demanding to shoot.

    My suggestions: although it’s short already you could tighten up the action lines without losing any drama. An example of this would be to change the description of the car radio to:

    “The car radio plays only static”

    and

    “The radio shows 17:35 as she switches it off.

    less is often more, i’ve found and it will increase the pacing. don’t have Kate ‘start’ to do anything. Just let her do it. E.g: “Kate yanks the steering wheel and veers off-road”.

    It’s quite complicated to read with all the apps and clocks and timers going on. Simplify these so that no reader has to re-read to check what’s actually happening or they lose the drama.

    Lastly, try to show Kate’s thoughts in actions rather than feelings. E.g. “she grips the steering wheel, knuckles white”. I don’t think you need “she just wants to be with them” .

    You’ve got the basis for a good ironic story here about a woman in turmoil who acts before she thinks. Well done. Hope this helps.
    Cheers, Stephanie