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• #1

  Dee Chilton (Friday, 08 March 2019 13:32)

  Hey, Ben. Always liked this script. It's beautifully written and evocative. Could easily see it working on screen, and it should be fairly easy to film. I have a little observation to make - and it's just a suggestion to ignore as you see fit: at the end I feel they should be stood together at the window, shoulder to shoulder as brothers-in-arms and as equals facing this final battle. That way the character you start with is also there at the end. It just feels 'off' to me not to have him there as it's his story, is it not? Hope that's helpful. Best wishes with it.

• #2

  Ben marshall (Thursday, 21 March 2019 23:37)

  Thanks Dee. I hadn't really appreciated we end on major and not jack. Good point and will have a look at that! Cheers