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• #1

  Eileen Wilson (Sunday, 23 December 2018 18:59)

  Hi Kodjo,
  Nice to read a script not simply about trauma, or angst due to the situation.
  I would cut the 'Suppose everyone should...' to simply 'Go home...' at the beginning. It's more concise and I think Cecile would want to go too.
  You don't need the 'bastard' as more people are familiar with 'Winner, Winner, chicken dinner'?
  When he holds up the card I'd simply say 'Read it and weep'. Less is more here.
  I wonder if at the end you could say 'It's been a joy' rather than 'a plesh' as it makes more sense too.
  The basic idea of the script is sound but is there any way you could show Toby's dislike of Cecile before he scratches the cards?
  Perhaps, he pen darts her photo, or something. It would up the anti a bit before the end.
  Hope that helps.
  Kind regards,
  Eileen

• #2

  Mark Renshaw (Friday, 22 March 2019 10:05)

  I do remember reading several Impact scripts in phase one that included a lottery win. The chances of winning the lottery at the same time as all life is about to be wiped out on the planet is stretching the believability factor to breaking point.
  
  That said, I like your style. The way this was handled was entertaining, flowed naturally and was funny. Good job!